A Song of Fiery War Axe & Ice Breaker #10


“Valeera, not only is your class finally not breaking the game, but you actually have a positive impact on the Meta. I’m so proud of you!”

“Aw shucks, Mike. You flatter me too much”.

The legendary Rogue smiled while holding her hand up in gratitude. She looked at Garrosh and noticed his increasingly nervous gaze. She winked at him, hoping to soothe his fears. It didn’t work.

‘I’m so screwed’ were Garrosh’s only thoughts, still irritated by the reprieve Anduin was given moments before.

“Thrall” Donais turned to the Orc Shaman, smiling “Shudderwock gets a lot of hate, isn’t very fun to play against, and it will probably be completely broken eventually, but let’s not worry about that now! You’re finally back in the meta, which makes me really happy.”

“I thank you. It feels great to be back” was the response, followed by a thumbs-up.

“Very well” Donais proceeded, and took a deep breath in preparation for the next evaluation.

“Gul’dan, I see that you’re…”

“My powers cannot be contained by measly balance changes, Mr. Donais!” the Warlock interrupted “Soon I shall take over the Hearthstone world and crush all those who oppose me. It was foretold in the prophecy…”

“Yeah, I know” Donais cut Gul’dan short, avoiding giving away any sign of impatience at the role playing Orc “You are very, very powerful and we all fear you” he said in a monotone voice.

“Yes!” the Warlock grinned “It is good that you have already accepted your impending doom”.

“Finally” Donais coughed “We finish the meeting with Garrosh” the brown skinned Orc was soon caught in his vision.

“So, Garrosh… Unfortunately, people are really bored of the Warrior class. The play rate is very low and there aren’t many competitive options available. With that being said…”

“PLEASE DON’T SEND ME AWAY” Garrosh broke down, dropping his head to the table and placing his hands firmly together as if he was in a middle of a prayer. Some of the heroes sat in the table looked shocked. Others tried to hold in laughter. Closing his eyes, Garrosh continued.

“It is not my fault that people don’t like the class! You nerfed Fiery War Axe and gave me crappy cards that don’t make sense, so I’m stuck playing a deck with a boring win condition. I don’t deserve to be sent away! I did nothing wrong! And I did nothing wrong in Theramore or Warlords of Draenor either!”

Silence took over the room, with the exception of a quiet huff that came from an irritated Jaina. Mike Donais scratched his head in confusion, and a little embarrassment.

“Ummm… We’re not sending you away, Garrosh”.

“What?” Garrosh opened his eyes and raised his head.

“Taunt Warrior is a perfectly competitive deck, so even though you’re a bit of a one trick pony, at least you’re not a no-trick pony, so you’re not being sent away until the next expansion. You can stick around and play Hearthstone here”.

Garrosh stared at Donais, frozen in shock. After a few more seconds, tears began forming in his eyes.

“I can stay? Really? Really really really???”.

“Yes” came the reply.

Garrosh fell forward back into the table, repeatedly thanking Donais while the rest of the Hearhtstone heroes began whispering to each other. Anduin looked particularly furious. Thrall smiled, nodding in approval.

“Oh by the way, Garrosh” Donais spoke up again “we even thought up of a new win condition for Warrior that will be printed in the next expansion!”

Garrosh raised his head again. His eyes lit up like a child standing outside of a candy store. For the first time in months, things seemed to have finally turned around for him. His heart was sparked by newfound hope and optimism, and the future never looked brighter than at that moment.

“A NEW WIN CONDITION? What is it?” What is it?!” he eagerly asked.

“It’s called ‘Warsong Lieutenant’. It’s a 4 mana 3/4 that reads: your taunt minions have +1 attack”.

Miss last week’s episode? Catch up here!