A Song of Fiery War Axe & Ice Breaker #21

A WEEKLY SHORT STORY OF YOUR FAVORITE HEARTHSTONE HEROES THRALL AND GARROSH.

“Secure the beach. Prepare to invade the tree.”

These cold, calm words were uttered by Sylvanas Windrunner, who was accompanied by Peter Whelan and Dean Ayala as they approached Teldrassil, the world tree.

Sylvanas looked to her right and found a mortally wounded Innervate who was coughing nearby, struggling to find its breath.

“Why?” Innervate managed to ask in despair between its coughs “You’ve already won. Spreading Plague and Ultimate Infestation are rotating in April. Only a few innocent classic cards remain in the tree”.

“This is Hearthstone” Sylvanas answered, “People on Reddit have been complaining long enough”.

“No.” Innervate responded “This is hatred. Rage over a class that didn’t even have a Tier 1 deck according to statistics.”

Sylvanas remained silent.

“Windrunner…” Innervate continued “Do you not remember when you were still a card in Standard format?”.

Sylvanas leaned over to Innervate and whispered in its ear.

“I remember… a fool who thought she would never be nerfed again. I suffered a worse fate, doomed to play games against Big Priests forever. Do you know what it’s like to play against Big Priests over and over again?”.

Sylvanas telepathically sent her memories to Innervate as she kept it close. Innervate’s eyes glowed as tears began to form, trickling down its cheeks, horrified by the memories of a thousand copies of Barnes being played on turn 4.

“Life is pain. Hope fails. Now, you understand.”

Sylvanas stood back up and smiled smugly.

“You will soon join the other nerfed cards”

“I grieve for you” Innervate responded softly “You’ve made good cards your enemy, and that is a war you will never win. You can nerf us, but you cannot nerf our mana crystals”.

Sylvanas’ expression turned sour, as Innervate’s words struck a nerve. A few seconds of silence ensued, as she finally understood what needed to be done.

“Can’t I?” she whispered, glancing at Innervate with the corner of her eye.

She rested Innervate on a rock and gently turned its face towards the tree. Then, she said two words that would change the world forever.

“Nerf it”

She turned around to look at Dean Ayala, who seemed unsure of her words.

“Lady Sylvanas, what do we nerf? Wild Growth or Nourish?”

“Yes!” she replied “NERF IT!”.

Dean nodded and made signals to the army nearby to launch their catapults, armed with fiery projectiles that hit the world tree. One by one, they engulfed it in flames until the entire tree was a blazing inferno.

Sylvanas eyes were fixated on the flames, and all Innervate could do was watch in horror as millions of Wild Growths burnt to ashes…

 


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5 Comments

  1. This makes way more sense than the actual story. I love these. Please keep going. I’m sure Malfurion wants to have words.

  2. Not OG enough to understand the references :(. Still entertaining though.

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